Expectations..

I thought I exceeded her expectations already. Well, I guess not. I lack of actions. There I admit it. Or I'm just forced to swallow that pill. As far as I know. I am doing my best. It's not like that I'll LEAve her. I can't and I won't. Every chance I get, I'd do the things that I promised. The fact that chances are rarely been with me. Maybe, I'm just too scared to take the risk, but it's for the good, maybe for the best. If I can only disobey my parents.. I'd be living a life now with her.

I think I still need them. I'm still a kid. Life is simple. You have to invent-reinvent, construct-deconstruct, create-recreate. In order to survive.

Loving you makes me happy. Making you happy makes me happier.

Since you're not going to talk to me...

Since you're not going to talk to me. I'll make this blogs post. I'm not going to repeat this anymore.

You tell me that you gave it your all, I'm glad. I saw that, hence I've experienced it. I'm thankful that you did, but still I'm the cold hard guy that you couldn't well defrost.

When I say I'm okay. I will be. I tried to tell you that I will be.. Inunahan mo ako sa nararamdaman ko. I'm the one who's pissed, I know that I'll stop, it came from, the guys that's pissed. The only person who can know that is me. You can't judge that. You got all you wanted.. And the whole afternoon I was pissed, I give this one thing that I want to do.. You declined. And I deserve that. I know that will make me okay, us okay. You don't trust the person that's feeling that.. He knows he'll be okay.. Hell, he even knows when to stop.

Sometimes, you walk away because you know what you did was wrong.. You just want to escape from it. But the truth hurts.. You accept na nagawa mo yun. I'm not sure what to do right now.

All I hear is nagawa ko na lahat. You called me Punyeta. You screamed at the top of your lungs. I didn't follow. Are you angry because you know you're wrong or Are you just don't know how to make me sorry.. All I do is worry, because sometimes you can be reckless.. You can do the things that will hurt a lot or say things that will hurt a lot. No matter what. I will still love you.

I just want to say these things.. No one will ever listen to me. All I have is this blogger and you.

What's the unit?

I started thinking last night, my love opened my eyes about it. If you can measure love.. By some kind of instrument that would be awesome. Mine would burst right in. As I know. I'm that sure. cm? mm? inch? cc?

But the bigger question is.. Can you measure love? What are the means to measure love.. Is it when you say I love you, every minute of the day or how you call everyday or is it how you make creative things for your loved one when you're doing nothing at all or maybe show yourself up in front of her/his house. In my world, love is un-measurable. The majority of it is how you feel love for your loved one. You can't measure someone's feelings or love.. You're the only one who can measure the feelings na nararamdaman mo.

People are always saying that change is a good thing. But all they're saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all... Has happened.

What will Lea Maui say today, I wonder. I turn on my computer. I wait impatiently as it starts up. I go online, and my breath catches until I see that Lea posted something on my wall. I hear nothing. Not even the sound of Kanye's music just the beating of my own heart. I have a wallpost. from you.

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it for the ones I love or do I do it for me to obtain happiness? I'm not looking for an answer. This is the kind of question that will keep me moving forward.

The top 5 personalities of my girl..

Here are the top 5 personalities of my one and only love. :)


1. Flirty Lea - One of my favorites. But not my top. She gives me this exotic temptress' eyes. I sends chills to my bones. She'll get closer and closer. Gives me random kisses.. I'm on my knees, every time she turns into this sexy beast.. That I could only restrain. Hopefully. What a sexual preference.

2. Possessive Lea - This is quite a curve ball. When she gives me this look that signifies uhmm.. Possessive-ness. It's really cute! When you see her making these weird faces. It brings joy to my heart, because she wants to make sure. That she's mine... All mine. Sweet, there's plenty of me to go around! :D

3. The Weird one/ The Serious one - Now, this personality is kinda scary, because it feels like she's hiding something from me. Acting all goofy and all. Being quite or Gazing through the sky or the ceiling sometimes. Ang seryoso lang minsan. I can't read her all the time. Sometimes we fight about nothing. Because sometimes her nothing is just not nothing.. There's something, definitely. Scariest for me. Ang sexy niya pa din. :D

4. The blissful one - When bliss is present. There's nothing to worry about. Love is in the air. Nothing could go wrong. Do I need to explain bliss. I'm the one who could only assure that for her. And sometimes it hurts me, because sometimes I can't give that to her.. She suddenly turns to the 3rd one which is the weird one. So that is definitely hard to handle. But it's pretty obvious when she's happy. Kahit saan mo pa dalhin. She smiles of course, and her eyes. Oh man, her eyes.. The perfect weapon of happiness. Even if you cover her lips. You can still tell that she's happy. Her eyes I just can't describe it. Whenever I look into it. Parang I'm sucked by a vortex of rainbow. You can definitely see that there's one happy soul.

1. Mr. Lea Andrea Mauro - She gets what she wants. PERIOD! And I love that. Because all she wants is me. I guess you're wondering why Mr.?! Mr. I'm turning into her. Full of Passion and Devotion. And yun yung minsan na pagkukulang ko. Ever time we argue. Sometimes. parang ang sarap na lang niyang yakapin kasi all she's trying to say is FIX THIS, BECAUSE I CARE, AND I LOVE YOU. "I'm trying to say what I feel para mapasaya mo ako lalo" type of attitude. I lack of understanding kasi how can I understand her when she's standing under me. WORDPLAY! Woot! :* She's the boss. I love my boss, commander, and Goddess. The CEO of my life.

That's it! My top 5 personalities of Lea. Whatever personality she show. I equally love them all. She's the one, but five is better. 5 of her that is. I love her for her. And only her.

The scene that I will never forget.. Because I can relate to it. pt.2

I can't seem to type... Anyways. The first time I watched this movie. The Notebook. I know it's kinda mushy and all, but It got me so hard. Because basically I can relate to this one scene (pt.1 of this blog title)

The past few weeks.. Honestly we've been fighting all the time. Misunderstandings, A lot of it. We can't agree on everything. Well almost everything, because we tend to answer back, bicker a lot. Walang nagpapatalo.

But we definitely agree on one thing. And that's love. We love each other so much. We get to the point that either one of us says something hurtful. I hope she didn't mean it, but she does every word of it, because that's how she sees me. I can't blame her for that. Kahit gaano pa ka sakit.. In the end I'm still standing. Because I love her. I can live like this. Siya lang naman na gusto kung makasama habang buhay. At kung dumating na sa point na she doesn't feel the same. Every day of my life. I will work my ass of para lang mabalik yung dati niyang mararamdaman. Mahal na mahal ko siya. And I'm very happy sa meron kami.

I love you, Lea.. That's it. Walang ng makakatalo dun.

Speak now.

These two words are powerful. You can say anything.. Highly blissful or pure agony (Brutal honesty).

From now on. I speak only for happiness.. Which is always delivered to Lea.

All I want is you.

All the promises we make, from cradle to the grave. When all I want is you.

A love where the "promises we make" are too grand to support.

 I make promises to my lover, and they all sound wonderful, but I think it's unnecessary. When I only want is her. Everything else is a distraction.

True love is.. I guess, ultimate selflessness, living to make another person happy in any and every way that you can.

My life.

My life right now isn't perfect, but when it comes to my source of happiness. There's no question that it's perfect. 

Proof! 

See! :D 

Finally found it!

Regina Spektor - Samson

I've been looking forever for that song and I finally found it, because of my one true love, Lea Andrea Mauro. I love you sooo much! I thank you! :'( It took me 3 years, 3 years... At ikaw lang pala ang hinahanap ko. Everything's with you.. You are my everything.

 The first time I watched the movie "Rumor has it" that song played, and it got me so hard. The voice just so soothing, and the heavy melody of the music. It's too heavy, very emotional. Ang tagal kung hinanap toh, and I loss faith. I gave up looking for it. Well, it took me 2 days of searching and I'm not pretty sure why it took me that long.

The song was played where the scene was Ms.Aniston is going home to her apartment to her future husband, Mr.Ruffalo. Apparently, Aniston got caught kissing someone else. Well, that's not the whole story. With that intense scene and on-screen love. The song and the scene is a perfect match.

Well, jus so you know... I loved Lea first. ;)

Sick as hell.

1st time I've seen my counterpart this sick and it sickens my heart. I mean seeing her like that. It's that visible too see that she's ill and hurting. I try to be the best counterpart by taking care of her, of course, and making her happy. I'm happy when she's happy. That's it.

Please get well soon.. I love you.

Bliss...

Being happy. It's the king of all emotions. You can't describe it that easily. Because, we have our different roots of happiness.

Mine is my love, my moon, my sexy bastard, counterpart.

I'm out of words, really... Because Lea is the real deal.. She's a walking proof of my happiness.

That's it. My love for her will never die.

A perfect 10..

Today was just perfect... White Chucks, washed denim jeans, loose green kinda like shirt...

She came here around 10. Was a bit upset because I was expecting here to be early, but it didn't change the fact that I was very happy to see her. We started of with the things that we usually do. We are very passionate about it. And I'm keeping my mouth shut. That's all I can say, folks. We delivered.

Around lunch time...
We cooked lunch together. I prepared my Bechamel sauce.. She did her thing with the Potatoes. It was all good. Tried to cook deep fried Mozzarella squares, but it didn't turn quite well. She fries Potatoes at it's best. No flaws. Crispy on the outside, mushy like texture on the inside. Which is quite good! Kinda like fried Mashed Potatoes. If Potato is love, she's Aphrodite.

Now, we're stuffed as hell. Me washing the dishes. And she was surfing the net, I was like " God, please palapitin mo si Lea" Nag-tampo ako ng kaunti pero still I'm very happy na nakikita ko siya sa bahay ko. And we decided to lie down sa sofabed. Doing intimate things even we know that my brother Jed could see us. I was just paying attention to her.. To my love. She offered to play something. I'm not even sure if it's a game or something. Mag talikuran daw kami.. So I did, and siya din. Patagalan.. Unang bumigay talo. Hahaha! Sooo I thought we're wasting time, soo I turned back to my original position. And I fell asleep. :P Which was unintentional... Haha! But It was just very comfortable sleeping beside her, always.. I wish na katabi ko siya ngayon. :( We were a bit groggy, because both of us.. Were awake very early. We fell asleep hugging..And you know what it's the best damn thing ever. :(

Now, the orientation that she was fuzzing about yesterday, actually since Wednesday. It'a about Yoga. We came there late., but we still managed to understand the orientation. We did some certain stances or positions. I guess it helped us fight stress. Gave us inner peace. This a good exercise for us. The world in a state of aggression. I find calm in her, with this exercise. I really hope that we will be able to continue this. It would really help us a lot. Spiritually and Physically.


"Yoga is the fountain of youth.  You're only as young as your spine is flexible. " 


I love her very much... This day was just awesome. Full of feelings, positive feelings. 


She's my perfect 10. 

Let you eat the last piece of baked potatoes..

I just can't believe that I'd end up with you. You picked me, you chose me, you love me. Now by doing that. I will never ever let you go.

A girl so loved with the people surrounding you. A place you might as well call an escape, or paradise. A place I might call hell. A place that I'm not familiar with. A place that you won't need me beside you, because you know every person surrounding it. Imagine all the love that you deserve is right at that place, that I call hell. That's where you learned to be on your own, I can't argue with that. But now, you have a place to be that you can have the same amount of love, of all the person you know there combined or more. Imagine if I haven't met you. Will you still get that amount of love? I'll be turning this place to around. I will make this your escape.. I know that I still love you more than anyone else could. Fact.

"Our first kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything." Wala lang, this line I can relate to it, sooo much.



"Maybe I like the pain of being jealous. Maybe I'm wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe I just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop."


My heart was beating fast, I began to lose control. I didn't want to hurt you, I'm just a jealous guy. I was swallowing my pain. I was shivering inside. Feeling that some guy will take you away from me.. I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I'm just sorry for myself for acting this way.

Maroon 5 - Runaway

I was listening to this song last night. Again, and again.. Hindi ko alam na may video na pala.

The girl in the video, I can tell na she's free-spirited.. Reminds me of my counterpart. I miss her. Every time I breath in. I'm gasping for more.


"I'm a nervous wreck, I'm a broken man Did you get my message, did it send Or do you get along on your own."

"And it breaks me down when I see your face. You look so different but you feel the same. And I don't not understand, I cannot comprehend The chills your body sends, Why did it have to end."



I'm just missing her a lot.

Every evening is a dinner fight.

Every evening now and then.. We're having this arguments that either one of us can do those ridiculous things. We keep saying "we can't, I don't want to." I'm very desperate to get this feelings or misunderstandings out of me. I want to leave that for good. But as my counterpart says. We can't, it's unavoidable. I guess I have to live with that. It's a part of a relationship.

I said na wala na akong pakielam sa mga naiisip mo. Want I'm delivering is sa mga sinasasabi at mga naiisip mong magagawa mo. And that's hard. In a way you can see me na I can or could cheat on you. That's the most stupidest thing I've ever heard. I did cheat on this girl.. But you know what it's the worst feeling in the world.

I may just have to prove this. Whatever it takes. Even if she thinks na magagawa ko yun for the rest of her life. I won't and I can't. I just have to deliver my love, every ounce of it. I'm willing to die just to prove that. Literally. I think of dying now.

She trusts me. I trust her. But It's not that easy for her because everything is impossible, indeed. Life goes on. I'm thinking of hindi na lang ako magpapaapekto sa mga bintang or pagdududa niya. That's what I meant by saying. Wala na akong pakielam sa naiisip mo(Na I can do those things).  Pero ang hirap lang talaga! Kasi mahal na mahal mo nga yung tao tapos yun lang yung maiisip niya. I feel like kulang pa yung pinapakita kung wala na akong pakiealam sa iba. Eh wala naman talaga. Anak ng Jueteng. Pero being possessive of her is super sweet. Lalo na when you see her, making those faces. It weakens me kasi I can see that she's sop devoted and inlove with me. That she's scared na mawala ako sa buhay niya. Pero mas takot ako.

That's it she's not angry pag nag seselos or nagdududa... She's just scared of losing me.

I love you, Lea.

Ronnie..

May McGorvey: There are four columns of lonely women in here, and only one of lonely men. The odds are on our side. Now why wouldn't any of these women want to meet a nice person like you? 

Ronald James McGorvey: I'm not a nice person. 

The heaviest character for me. "Ronnie" James McGorvey (Jackie Earle Haley), who has served a prison sentence for indecent exposure to a minor, has moved back into the neighborhood to live with his mother.

He's a character from the movie "Little Children" (which my counterpart introduced :*) I loved the movie, it shows us a sun-dappled happy-go-lucky small town people that's every bit as creepy and disturbing. Every moment is funny and painful, but disingenuous assumptions like that can undermine a viewer's emotions.. 

6 out of 5 for me...