Every evening now and then.. We're having this arguments that either one of us can do those ridiculous things. We keep saying "we can't, I don't want to." I'm very desperate to get this feelings or misunderstandings out of me. I want to leave that for good. But as my counterpart says. We can't, it's unavoidable. I guess I have to live with that. It's a part of a relationship.
I said na wala na akong pakielam sa mga naiisip mo. Want I'm delivering is sa mga sinasasabi at mga naiisip mong magagawa mo. And that's hard. In a way you can see me na I can or could cheat on you. That's the most stupidest thing I've ever heard. I did cheat on this girl.. But you know what it's the worst feeling in the world.
I may just have to prove this. Whatever it takes. Even if she thinks na magagawa ko yun for the rest of her life. I won't and I can't. I just have to deliver my love, every ounce of it. I'm willing to die just to prove that. Literally. I think of dying now.
She trusts me. I trust her. But It's not that easy for her because everything is impossible, indeed. Life goes on. I'm thinking of hindi na lang ako magpapaapekto sa mga bintang or pagdududa niya. That's what I meant by saying. Wala na akong pakielam sa naiisip mo(Na I can do those things). Pero ang hirap lang talaga! Kasi mahal na mahal mo nga yung tao tapos yun lang yung maiisip niya. I feel like kulang pa yung pinapakita kung wala na akong pakiealam sa iba. Eh wala naman talaga. Anak ng Jueteng. Pero being possessive of her is super sweet. Lalo na when you see her, making those faces. It weakens me kasi I can see that she's sop devoted and inlove with me. That she's scared na mawala ako sa buhay niya. Pero mas takot ako.
That's it she's not angry pag nag seselos or nagdududa... She's just scared of losing me.
I love you, Lea.
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