I haven't seen it for awhile.

I have so many things to shout or write about. But I don't know how to start. I'm not angry. I'm falling apart, because I can't be a better man. Not even for myself.

I lack to understand, I answer back, I always correct her, and I can't lend my ears for awhile.

What does it take to be a man?

Everyday of our lives. We'll be getting closer and closer from the point that we won't be able to let go even if you feel so tired and numb.. But I'm not saying that it would lead to that point.

From what you're showing... You're tired of me. I promised that I can't let happen.

Well, it already did.

A perfect 10..

Today was just perfect... White Chucks, washed denim jeans, loose green kinda like shirt...

She came here around 10. Was a bit upset because I was expecting here to be early, but it didn't change the fact that I was very happy to see her. We started of with the things that we usually do. We are very passionate about it. And I'm keeping my mouth shut. That's all I can say, folks. We delivered.

Around lunch time...
We cooked lunch together. I prepared my Bechamel sauce.. She did her thing with the Potatoes. It was all good. Tried to cook deep fried Mozzarella squares, but it didn't turn quite well. She fries Potatoes at it's best. No flaws. Crispy on the outside, mushy like texture on the inside. Which is quite good! Kinda like fried Mashed Potatoes. If Potato is love, she's Aphrodite.

Now, we're stuffed as hell. Me washing the dishes. And she was surfing the net, I was like " God, please palapitin mo si Lea" Nag-tampo ako ng kaunti pero still I'm very happy na nakikita ko siya sa bahay ko. And we decided to lie down sa sofabed. Doing intimate things even we know that my brother Jed could see us. I was just paying attention to her.. To my love. She offered to play something. I'm not even sure if it's a game or something. Mag talikuran daw kami.. So I did, and siya din. Patagalan.. Unang bumigay talo. Hahaha! Sooo I thought we're wasting time, soo I turned back to my original position. And I fell asleep. :P Which was unintentional... Haha! But It was just very comfortable sleeping beside her, always.. I wish na katabi ko siya ngayon. :( We were a bit groggy, because both of us.. Were awake very early. We fell asleep hugging..And you know what it's the best damn thing ever. :(

Now, the orientation that she was fuzzing about yesterday, actually since Wednesday. It'a about Yoga. We came there late., but we still managed to understand the orientation. We did some certain stances or positions. I guess it helped us fight stress. Gave us inner peace. This a good exercise for us. The world in a state of aggression. I find calm in her, with this exercise. I really hope that we will be able to continue this. It would really help us a lot. Spiritually and Physically.


"Yoga is the fountain of youth.  You're only as young as your spine is flexible. " 


I love her very much... This day was just awesome. Full of feelings, positive feelings. 


She's my perfect 10. 

Let you eat the last piece of baked potatoes..

I just can't believe that I'd end up with you. You picked me, you chose me, you love me. Now by doing that. I will never ever let you go.

A girl so loved with the people surrounding you. A place you might as well call an escape, or paradise. A place I might call hell. A place that I'm not familiar with. A place that you won't need me beside you, because you know every person surrounding it. Imagine all the love that you deserve is right at that place, that I call hell. That's where you learned to be on your own, I can't argue with that. But now, you have a place to be that you can have the same amount of love, of all the person you know there combined or more. Imagine if I haven't met you. Will you still get that amount of love? I'll be turning this place to around. I will make this your escape.. I know that I still love you more than anyone else could. Fact.

"Our first kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything." Wala lang, this line I can relate to it, sooo much.



"Maybe I like the pain of being jealous. Maybe I'm wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe I just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop."


My heart was beating fast, I began to lose control. I didn't want to hurt you, I'm just a jealous guy. I was swallowing my pain. I was shivering inside. Feeling that some guy will take you away from me.. I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I'm just sorry for myself for acting this way.

Maroon 5 - Runaway

I was listening to this song last night. Again, and again.. Hindi ko alam na may video na pala.

The girl in the video, I can tell na she's free-spirited.. Reminds me of my counterpart. I miss her. Every time I breath in. I'm gasping for more.


"I'm a nervous wreck, I'm a broken man Did you get my message, did it send Or do you get along on your own."

"And it breaks me down when I see your face. You look so different but you feel the same. And I don't not understand, I cannot comprehend The chills your body sends, Why did it have to end."



I'm just missing her a lot.

Heart.

I have a heart. I'll use it. Only, to you.
Love. Everyday. Always.
You fill my heart with joy. Full of Joy.

Every evening is a dinner fight.

Every evening now and then.. We're having this arguments that either one of us can do those ridiculous things. We keep saying "we can't, I don't want to." I'm very desperate to get this feelings or misunderstandings out of me. I want to leave that for good. But as my counterpart says. We can't, it's unavoidable. I guess I have to live with that. It's a part of a relationship.

I said na wala na akong pakielam sa mga naiisip mo. Want I'm delivering is sa mga sinasasabi at mga naiisip mong magagawa mo. And that's hard. In a way you can see me na I can or could cheat on you. That's the most stupidest thing I've ever heard. I did cheat on this girl.. But you know what it's the worst feeling in the world.

I may just have to prove this. Whatever it takes. Even if she thinks na magagawa ko yun for the rest of her life. I won't and I can't. I just have to deliver my love, every ounce of it. I'm willing to die just to prove that. Literally. I think of dying now.

She trusts me. I trust her. But It's not that easy for her because everything is impossible, indeed. Life goes on. I'm thinking of hindi na lang ako magpapaapekto sa mga bintang or pagdududa niya. That's what I meant by saying. Wala na akong pakielam sa naiisip mo(Na I can do those things).  Pero ang hirap lang talaga! Kasi mahal na mahal mo nga yung tao tapos yun lang yung maiisip niya. I feel like kulang pa yung pinapakita kung wala na akong pakiealam sa iba. Eh wala naman talaga. Anak ng Jueteng. Pero being possessive of her is super sweet. Lalo na when you see her, making those faces. It weakens me kasi I can see that she's sop devoted and inlove with me. That she's scared na mawala ako sa buhay niya. Pero mas takot ako.

That's it she's not angry pag nag seselos or nagdududa... She's just scared of losing me.

I love you, Lea.