19..

It feels like I'm getting old.. 19 months of pure happiness, and mean-ness. I'm not sure what to do anymore, I know I can be happy with her. I guess, pagod na pagod na din siya. Fuck, I really don't know what to say. I'm tired as hell. She told me I was empty.. It's true. I am all drained out, and I have nowhere to go anymore. I have nothing left on me. Running away is my best idea, and also my worst. I'm not gonna leave them behind, because of my failure. I know someday they will appreciate my failure.. If there's one thing I would regret is.. Being myself. Don't make the same mistake as I did. A failure as a Counterpart, a failure as a human being.

Boring.

Am I boring? That's I ask myself from now an then. I guess, because I was been judged boring. Well, When I was single.. I've been like this for like two years or one, that I'm not sure of. I wasn't boring. I guess, I just don't had the obligations of being a boyfriend yet. Well now I'm obliged to make Lea happy.. Am not complaining that I can't give her that, but what happened is, because of me being boring well she caught it?! (Nahawa)

I can say she did, definitely. Because now she became this home buddy. Well, she's not like that then.. She does the things that makes her happy. Malling with friends, drinking sessions, and having the free spirited kind of thing. I admit I failed to give her that. And it hurts. I really don't know what to do. She's not even excited anymore when I make plans to make her happy. I asked her earlier that I wanted to dance with her.. And the music, So close it played at the movie Enchanted. I felt happy thinking I could waltz her to happiness.. Nothing works anymore. I am still the boring person I know, because I just said those plans never done it. I still love her even if she's being that harsh, brutal honesty. She's not trying to change me she's just trying to make me better.

Lea, just so you know I am the best possible version when I'm with you, and that won't always be the case, because I'm not with you all the time.

Hurts..

It hurts every time, walang tamang oras or mali para masaktan.. I'm not being emotional. That's a fact, you will never know how it hurts, unless you've experienced it. It's easy to hurt the one you love, because you know what hurts them.

A dash of salt, to make things harder.. It will never be easy to love someone, but it's easy as hell to hurt.

R.I.P

R.I.P to the girl I used to see..

She's not herself anymore. She changed.. She loves me more than ever. Even if she doesn't show it all the time.

All will be fine. And everything will work out..

Expectations..

I thought I exceeded her expectations already. Well, I guess not. I lack of actions. There I admit it. Or I'm just forced to swallow that pill. As far as I know. I am doing my best. It's not like that I'll LEAve her. I can't and I won't. Every chance I get, I'd do the things that I promised. The fact that chances are rarely been with me. Maybe, I'm just too scared to take the risk, but it's for the good, maybe for the best. If I can only disobey my parents.. I'd be living a life now with her.

I think I still need them. I'm still a kid. Life is simple. You have to invent-reinvent, construct-deconstruct, create-recreate. In order to survive.

Loving you makes me happy. Making you happy makes me happier.

Since you're not going to talk to me...

Since you're not going to talk to me. I'll make this blogs post. I'm not going to repeat this anymore.

You tell me that you gave it your all, I'm glad. I saw that, hence I've experienced it. I'm thankful that you did, but still I'm the cold hard guy that you couldn't well defrost.

When I say I'm okay. I will be. I tried to tell you that I will be.. Inunahan mo ako sa nararamdaman ko. I'm the one who's pissed, I know that I'll stop, it came from, the guys that's pissed. The only person who can know that is me. You can't judge that. You got all you wanted.. And the whole afternoon I was pissed, I give this one thing that I want to do.. You declined. And I deserve that. I know that will make me okay, us okay. You don't trust the person that's feeling that.. He knows he'll be okay.. Hell, he even knows when to stop.

Sometimes, you walk away because you know what you did was wrong.. You just want to escape from it. But the truth hurts.. You accept na nagawa mo yun. I'm not sure what to do right now.

All I hear is nagawa ko na lahat. You called me Punyeta. You screamed at the top of your lungs. I didn't follow. Are you angry because you know you're wrong or Are you just don't know how to make me sorry.. All I do is worry, because sometimes you can be reckless.. You can do the things that will hurt a lot or say things that will hurt a lot. No matter what. I will still love you.

I just want to say these things.. No one will ever listen to me. All I have is this blogger and you.

Tagalog.

Ngayon lang ako magpopost ng tagalog na tagalog. Walang ingles, ni isa.
Kung mag mamahal ka ng isang tao.

Lubuslubusin mo na yung tipong pwede kang mamatay pag nag mahal pwede naman, at masasaktan ka din ng sobra. Kasi bihira lang makapagmahal ng isang tao na mahal na mahal mo. Hindi mo na siya mapapalitan..

Ayaw mo na siyang palitan. Kasi alam mo sa puso mo na siya na yung hinahanap mo. Siya na yung kaiisa isa mong mamahalin. Kung baga habang buhay mo na siyang makakasama.

Lahat ng pagsubok ay madadaanan ng mga nag mamahalan. May madali.. At madalas masakit. Lahat ng tao ay may karapatan magmahal, At magmahal ng sobra kahit na may mga matatapakan sila. Pag nagmahal ka, tiyaka mo lang malalaman kung bakit ka nabuhay dito sa mundong ito.

Lahat tayo ay meron din makakasama habang buhay. Makikilala natin sila. At ako nakilala ko na.